Southern Style Cooking: The Gym Files 🗂️

Tuesday, January 14, 2025

The Gym Files 🗂️

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What's the funniest thing you've witnessed in the gym?

I got literally flexed on. I saw a girl who I mistook as somebody I knew, went to say hi. She was cool about it, said it's happened before. Then a guy came over and said "Something going on here?!" and literally just flexed 💪.

I'm on the bench and I hear two dudes: "you look fk*n amazing bro, you're the best looking dude in this gym." - replies "Nah, you are bro." I turn around after a set, and they're identical twins.

I went to the bathroom. When I came back, a lady had taken my headphones and was using them on the treadmill.

This huge guy was weightlifting at the gym I frequent. While lifting, he farted, but this wasn't a normal fart. It was the longest fart I've ever heard. At least 30 seconds long. He couldn't stop giggling like a little girl, and then everyone else started laughing and clapping like he just performed a theatre piece. It was surreal.

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Our favorite review of the month

Pain and suffering.

I've always believed physical training was a way to escape your emotional pain by momentarily covering it with physical pain. Boss yelled at you at work? Bench press. Dad claims pickle ball isn't a real sport? Deadlift. Megan from your calculus class tells you she has a new boyfriend right before your final exam because you were too scared that whole semester to ask her out until the last possible moment and you bomb the test and your grade plummets? Sprint until your heart is numb.

Never before have I had a bag that allows me to pack, so neatly and in such an organized fashion, all of the masochistic tools I need to cover up that emotional pain. Wrist wraps, lifting shoes, jump rope, massage gun, hoodie, lifting belt, unsafe amounts of smelling salts and pre workout, Kleenex tissues (the kind with lotion), old yearbook photos of Megan you used to keep in your wallet but now it's too painful to have them so close but you can't bear to get rid of them so you keep them slightly farther away and look at them between sets. This bag fits it all.

Best of all, it feels like it's made of materials that will last long enough for you to find the love of your life and take up other hobbies, long after you've surpassed the 1,000lb club, ran a sub 4min mile, and been kicked out of every Planet Fitness in a 30mile radius from your house purely because of your imposing physique and demeanor.

Could not recommend this bag enough.